Leg aches and cramps

Hundreds of times over the last nine years I've found myself doing things for my son that remind me of things my mom used to do for me, and it gives me a comforting sense of the circular nature of things. Making special birthday dinners, playing cards together, going on trips and talking in the car, playing Candyland, eating at the picnic table in the summer. All sweet mother-child (or father-child!) activities that we carry with us as daughters and sons and try to replicate as parents.

One thing that my mom used to for me, that I have also done for Luke, is massaging aching, cramping legs in the middle of the night. I remember waking up with the calves of my legs hurting so much I'd cry. Mom would come in and give me an aspirin, and massage them until I was tired enough to go back to sleep. Growing pains, we called them.

Sure enough, the same thing happened with Luke. He used to wake up in the middle of the night, his legs aching and cramping, till he was in tears. I felt like I was channelling my mom as I'd sit on the edge of the bed, massaging his aching legs, warming the muscles with a heating pad, trying to cheer him and myself with the thought of how fast he was growing.

Maybe leg aches are ubiquitous (that's my 50-cent word for the day) with all kids, I don't know. Certainly there are many different causes for leg cramping.

But it turns out leg aches are also a common sign of food allergy, especially dairy or wheat allergy, according to sources including Dr. Doris Rapp, author of Is This Your Child? and Dr. James Braly, author of Hidden Food Allergies. Having just realized that I also have a dairy allergy, Luke's and my shared symptoms of childhood leg pain make sense.

I know Luke's leg cramps and aches almost completely disappeared after we took dairy out of his diet.

Of course I'm not saying that if a child has leg pain, the parent should immediately run screaming to the refrigerator and throw out all dairy or wheat. But it can be looked at when it is one of several symptoms. Rapp goes on to mention that wiggly legs are also a symptom of food allergies, in children and adults as well.

But I still like to think of them as growing pains---after all, when your 9-year-old boy is already almost 5 feet tall, he's been doing some serious growing! And although Candyland has been replaced with Yu-Gi-Oh!, I look forward to continuing all the good traditions we've started.

"I told the doctor I broke my legs in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." --Henry Youngman

Stomachaches, headaches and never giving up

I saw a news story today about a little boy who couldn't sleep. The 3-year-old literally was awake nearly 24 hours a day, for years. The poor kid couldn't function on a normal level due to his extreme sleep deprivation and the parents were exhausted and at their wits' end. They went to doctor after doctor. He had his tonsils taken out, tubes put in his ears, and was put on anti-psychotic medications, but nothing worked.

Finally, a doctor correctly diagnosed his condition, and after having surgery on his skull to relieve pressure on his brain, he is finally able to sleep, and is now a normal child. I was touched by the parents talking about what a joy it is to be able to just hug and kiss their child.

Watching the parents in the interview, I completely understood. Luckily, our experience wasn't as extreme, but I was able to thoroughly empathise; their lack of sleep, the frustration at trying to find out what's wrong, the relief and enjoyment and thankfulness of having a normal child. I so understand.

At the end, the reporter notes the mother said to never give up when symptoms are unexplained; keep questioning the doctors, getting new opinions, asking questions. I found myself nodding in agreement. Right on, sister!

One of Luke's symptoms, besides his behavioral issues, was persistent headaches and stomachaches, from the time he was old enough to verbalize how he felt. Almost every night he would complain that his stomach and head hurt. What a feeling of helplessness, to have your child feel so miserable and not be able to do anything about it! In retrospect, I wonder if he was not having those symptoms during the day, too?

Once we started modifying his diet, thankfully, his headaches and stomach aches ceased. Before we knew about his allergies, I took him to the doctor many times about these symptoms, in addition to his fluctuating behavior.

(I would like to take a moment here to say this is not about doctor-bashing. I love our pediatrician. A lovely, warm woman, she interacts wonderfully with Luke and is thorough and concerned and helpful. I've always appreciated that she listens closely to me without interrupting or dismissing what I relate to her, and she's been very open-minded and supportive about Luke's food allergies.)

On one visit when I described Luke's symptoms, our pediatrician explained persistent headaches and stomach aches happen frequently in children and we don't always know what causes them. She thought perhaps he had a virus that caused the physical symptoms and he was acting out because he didn't feel well. A strep test came back negative.

On another visit, a different pediatrician suggested Seasonal Affective Disorder. A third, despite my assertion that Lukas was normally good-natured, suggested that perhaps he had an "oppositional personality" and that we should try a pediatric psychologist. That one made me angry--I knew this behavior wasn't his personality and I felt what I said had been dismissed.

Symptoms like that--persistent headaches, chronic stomach aches--deserve real, sustained attention instead of a snap diagnosis, as do parents' gut feelings about their child's health. When you feel something isn't right with your child, don't give up. Keep trying.

If we had simply accepted what the doctors said, if I had not persisted in believing there was something physically wrong with Luke, if I hadn't kept asking questions and taking him to the doctor, and doing Internet research, I can only imagine where he'd be today. Probably labeled as ADHD and oppositional and special needs. The loss of his potential would have been so sad. I worry a lot about how other kids might be going through the same thing. I hope, too, that doctors are more aware that chronic stomach and headaches can be an indicator of food allergies.

This is not to say that you should ignore what doctors tell you. But in the end, we are ultimately responsible for understanding our bodies and our medical care, and that of our children. With the Internet, we have more information at the tips of our fingers than ever before.

Don't give up!


"Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts." --Ruth Gordon

Sensory issues - the evil socks with seams

I remember with fondness a phase Luke went through when he was just a little guy. The Bead Phase.

He discovered a stash of colorful Mardi Gras-type beads we had and just loved them. Upon rising in the morning, the first thing he would do is don his beads, and bring beads to my husband and I so we would be similarly adorned. We would take them off for work and daycare, but first thing when we came home, he would race to where the beads had been left and get us properly, festively, decked out once again.

I was kind of sad when The Bead Phase was over. :-)

Just as unusual, but not quite as endearing, has been his issues with clothing. He has always leaned toward soft, loose-fitting clothing and when he was a toddler, those were the types of clothes I picked out, anyway. But as he grew older, he started having serious issues with certain types of clothes, especially socks and shoes.

He wouldn't wear anything that was scratchy, or had a texture he didn't like, or t-shirts with that rubbery-feeling backing from an applique on the front. He wouldn't wear a shirt that would "bunch up," couldn't wear one shirt on top of another, and couldn't stand to tuck in his shirt. We have cut hundreds of tags out of the backs of his shirts. He couldn't stand underwear that was snug or pants that weren't loose-fitting, soft, and with an elastic waistband. He once wore the same pair of sweatpants over and over because it was the only pair he could tolerate.

And the socks. Ohmigosh, the socks. He absolutely COULD NOT STAND the feeling of the seams on the tops of the socks. The feeling was enough to drive him to distraction. And if the tops of his shoes pressed down too hard on the tops of his feet, he couldn't even bring himself to pull them on.

He also has been rather sensitive to sound. At one time he just couldn't tolerate loud noises, like the blender. Loud restaurants would make him hyper.

I have to admit, this was a characteristic we didn't understand for a long time. We've had scenes in the past where Luke was in tears because he just could not bring himself to put on his socks and shoes and we were just trying to get him to school on time and could not understand what the problem was. Or times when we've begged him to please put on a different pair of pants. He would try something on and then quickly peel them off as if they disgusted him, because he was unable to stand how they felt.

Now, I know that there are other kids out there with the same issues. Some of the names I've seen for it are "sensory sensitivity" or "sensory processing disorder" or "sensory integration dysfunction." Lots of kids have it even worse; they can't stand to be touched or hugged or to have their hair brushed. Apparently, the condition can sometimes be associated with ADD and autism.

I never dreamed this trait might be linked to Luke's food allergies. I assumed it was just another part of life with a strange and wonderful child. But then I listened to a CD of Dianne Craft, a special education teacher who started to notice the link between food and behavior, and became a nutritionist. In the CD, she mentioned a list of symptoms of food allergy that sounded exactly like Lukas---right down to her description of sensitivity to clothes.

Listening, it was one of those moments where I was SO relieved because I finally understood, finally had confirmation of why this was happening.

As we've gotten Luke's diet under control, and have figured out a regimen of supplements (like acidophilus) that help his digestive system, his sensitivity has moderated. This year is the first year he's been able to tolerate wearing jeans (soft ones, to be sure) and khakis on a regular basis, as long as they have elastic waistbands. He will wear long-sleeve shirts. I finally found seamless socks that he can stand that didn't break the bank ("Sof Sole bamboo lite," which I found at Famous Footwear) and shoes that actually feel good to him (New Balance). We haven't had any clothes-related tears or frustration in a long time.

He still hates tags, seams, and clothes that are too tight, but I can understand that. He still comes home and kicks off his shoes, peels off his socks, and climbs into lounge pants, and that's okay. And I'm more than happy to avoid loud restaurants in favor of something a little more sedate.

It's something other parents take for granted, but seeing Lukas neatly dressed in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and socks and shoes never fails to make me feel good. Now, all he needs are some beads...

What dogs and trash have to do with kids and allergies

I was making some breakfast this morning under the watchful eye of our dog, Lucky. Apparently part of the job description for labs is to be continually hungry.

She was keeping very close tabs on me as I threw some scraps in the trash under the sink, and my mind wandered to our previous dog.


Lucky: "Give the dog your foooood."

Maggie, normally a very good dog, went through a period in her life where she started getting into the trash. And I don't mean just rustling around in there for tasties. I mean, she was relentless. We would come home to the kitchen trash, all of it, spread out all over the kitchen floor, shredded, the scraps eaten. We put a cover on the trash, and that didn't stop her. We put the trash in the cupboard under the sink, and being as smart as she was, she would find a way to open that cupboard, pull out the trash, and spread it all over again.

We were at our wits' end! You could tell she knew it was wrong, but kept at it.

At the same time, she was drinking water non-stop, and I took her to to vet to find out what might be up. It turned out she had Cushing's disease, which is a disorder of the adrenal glands. The excess drinking was one symptom and excessive hunger was another. It turns out she had such feelings of hunger she couldn't help but find anything to eat, even if it meant getting into big trouble later. Once we got her on medication, she went back to normal and ignored the trash.

What does this have to do with kids and food allergies? I'm getting there, hold tight.

As people, when we ourselves don't behave as we should, we tend to blame factors outside our control; we were late for work because of traffic! But when someone else does not behave as they should, we tend to blame their character. They're late for work because they're too lazy to get up on time! The car ahead of us sits through a green light and we think, "What an idiot," not imagining that maybe the person is trying to re-buckle up their toddler.

The first thing we assumed when Maggie spread trash all over the floor was "BAD DOG!" when in fact there was an external factor that she couldn't help.

Same thing with kids. I remember before I was a parent, looking down my nose at children who were misbehaving at a restaurant or at the store and thinking, "What a naughty kid. They must be bad parents!" Then years later, karma strikes and it's me in their place. I remember bringing Luke to Perkins, and by the end of the meal (eggs and pancakes, full of things we now know he's allergic to) he'd be unable to sit still, standing on his seat, getting out of the booth, banging with his silverware, talking loudly. I could just feel the eyes on us, thinking the same thoughts.

Today when Luke goes out to eat with us, we bring his own food and he's well-behaved, polite to the servers, and fun to be with. The only thing he can't tolerate is very noisy restaurants.

This is just a reminder that when you see "bad" behavior in your child or another's (or in your dog for that matter), keep an open mind and don't be too quick to blame character flaws. There may be external factors at play.



"It is our own mental attitude which makes the world what it is for us. Our thought make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light. First, believe in this world, that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you are not understanding it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!" --Swami Vivekananda

Sleepover

We just survived another of my son's sleepover parties. Four friendly, energetic, goofy, Yu-gi-Oh -crazy boys in the same household for 17 hours. The house is still standing, but the dog has been trying all day to catch up on her sleep!

Actually, it's a pleasure to have kids over and to do something as simple as providing a place for them to stay up, have a pillow fight, watch movies, trade cards, joke about bodily functions, and then collapse into sleep. Then the party continues starting at 6:00 the following morning with cartoon watching, pancake snarfing, and finally the trip home.

I try never to let myself forget how lucky I am to have a healthy, happy, child and live in a country where we're safe and have enough food to eat and a roof over our heads. Things can get rough; as grownups we need to deal with layoffs, bills, work, being time-starved. Kids can have their share of troubles too, whether it's dealing with bullies, keeping up with a tough subject at school, or having lots of food allergies, so you can't eat the things your friends like to eat.

Whenever Luke feels bummed about not being able to have that cup of hot cocoa or slice of cake, I tell him I understand, and I really do. I wish I could take his allergies away. But even so, we can't ever forget how lucky we are. There are parents out there with kids who are extremely sick or worse, who have lost them. There are kids sitting in hospitals right now, fighting for their life. My friend works at a children's hospital and tells some heart-wrenching stories.

When I remember that, I am thankful all over again for the child I have. It's not easy being a kid who can't have milk, wheat, eggs, soy, nuts, yeast, sugar, and artificial colors. And it's not easy cooking for one, either. But he's healthy, he's smart, he's happy, he's well-adjusted, and he's my son, and so I am the luckiest parent alive.

Take a moment and be thankful for all that you have!